i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
