Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
