Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
