I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
