Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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