Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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