Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
