Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
