Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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