And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
