im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
