so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
