I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
