So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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