woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
