So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
