my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
