i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
