I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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