News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
