i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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