Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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