Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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