dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
