I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
