so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
