I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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