i was rollin on her like bob the builder
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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