after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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