Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
