He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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