whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
