I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
