Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
