Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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