Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
