This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
