i jhust puked up my retainher.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
