so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Randomize
