i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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