hotel room ftw
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
