So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
