I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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