defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You pole danced in your parka.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
