if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
