how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
