3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
