In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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