The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
