I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
