I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
