here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
