Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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