I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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